Best of Very Bad Criminals 👮 Best of: Ridiculousness

– This cop made a crucialmistake here of being pissed and wanting to pin him in, just pinned himself in.

(audience laugh) – Yeah, now he pinned himself – So he had to just sit in the front seat and watch this slow ass runner.

(laughs) Basically just walk away.

(beep) One of my favorite subjectsto see on this show.

Criminals that suck.

Okay? Because when it comes to crime, you're already like, “Damn! Shame on you.

“why you doin that? Why you doin that?” And then when you do (bleep) and slam or get hurt we're like, “That's what you get.

” Right? – Yep.

– Everybody in this next category, this is their first season as criminals.

we call them crookies.

Take a look.

(applause) (bouncy music) – [Host] Okay got it in.

I'm gonna steal some ketchup.

All right, I got some salt.

Okay, let me get that.

All right.

Cool.

I'm out of here! (glass shutters) Next time im'ma go for the register.

– He didn't go for the money at all? – No like, look thereain't no money in there.

He's like, “Gimme the napkins.

” – [Lady] (laughing) Give me the napkins? (audience laughing) – [Host] All right let's go, let's go.

– [Sterling] Lets do this.

– [Host] Okay here we go.

– [Sterling] Oh, my gosh! – [Host] Oh! Oh! – [Sterling] Oh my gosh! – [Host] Okay.

We gottago! We gotta go! You good? That's good, okay, we gotta go! – [Sterling] you gotta Leave him! Cops! Go! Go! – [Sterling] We gotta leave him bro! – [Host] Oh we got to go! Oh! (audience laughs) – [Sterling] Bruh.

They're done.

– But like imagine thisguy wakes up in jail.

Like, “Wait a minute, weren't we just there?” Like what? – This is literally The Three Stooges.

– [Sterling] Yeah.

And hecocked all the way back till he got.

(laughing) – [Host] Here we go.

Easy.

Easy.

Thank you! Thank.

.

.

Oh! (lady laughs) (audience laugh) – [Host] Here's a lolly.

– [Sterling] That's good.

– [Host] No problem.

No problem.

(frantic music) Got it.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Go.

Go.

Go.

Lets get out of here.

(audience laughs) Okay.

– You gotta keep running.

You gotta keep running.

(upbeat music) ♪ Crime, so much fun to watch ♪ ♪ Give me everything you've got ♪ ♪ We've got ourselves a criminal ♪ ♪ Lock it down ♪ – [Host] Okay.

(alarm) Go! Go! Oh man! Face exposed.

(audience laughs) You just gotta pull.

All you had to do is pull.

When was the last time, either of you worked in a gas station? – Well, last.

.

.

Never.

(audience laugh) – I knew it was never butthe soon as you stated, am like, damn! This guyworked in a gas station? – No.

– I think its one ofthe most dangerous jobs.

You know you work in aconvenience store, late night.

I mean you are getting robbedlike three nights a week.

– I used to live next to a gas station and I was like, “there needs to be a show called gas station fights.

” Because literally, atleast three fights a day in a gas station.

– Look I think when youare behind the register, you are in line of fire.

And the tougher youare, the better you are.

Someone comes to robyou, you stump them out then it spreads— No.

– Don't go down the seveneleven on the north corner.

(laughs) Those type of individuals that weird off anyonewho wants to rob them.

They got a special name anda special place in my heart.

I call them register warriors.

Take a look.

– [lady] register warriors.

(audience cheer) – [Host] Give it to me.

(laughs) what I love so much aboutthis man's technique, is that he knows that he'sgot a big distance to clear.

So he's got an eight foot metal pole so that he can hit you across the counter.

(audience laugh) – Yeah.

He caught that back of the neck.

(laughs) – [Host] I know someone incominghere to steal some animals.

You walk in here with a (beep) (laughs) I'll be taking this.

(beep) Get outta here.

Next time you come around stealing birds.

– That's a nice camera.

(laughs) – [Host] Give me everything you've got.

Okay.

How about this? – That's where a samuraisword comes in handy.

– Its like bullet blocking.

You know what I mean? – That was the metrix (beep) (audience laugh) (upbeat music) – [Host] No.

You will not rob me.

I'm robbing you.

You will not.

Honey get in here.

(audience cheer) Come on man.

Not my ass chief.

– Nobody has been spank this bad.

– Spank him mummy.

Spank him good.

(applaud) – You decide to choosea life of crime.

Okay.

Are you better of being a sticky criminal or slippery criminal? – Sticky.

Coz I feel like that word goes better with being a criminal.

Things will stick to you.

– Slippery is like youcan get in and get out.

– No.

But then you might be loosing the things you are trynna get.

– First of all, whatdoes it even mean bruh? – First of all incredible debate.

(laughs) I did not expect it to get so serious.

Or so real.

But, I believeSterling is correct.

If you want to be a criminal, you'd want to be slippery so that you can get away.

Just like everybody in this next category.

Slippery crooks.

Take a look.

– I don't think its sticky fingers.

You know what I mean? (high intensity beats) – [Host] I can do this orI can give you one of this.

– First of all, this isthe most unnecessary flip that anyone has ever done.

– [Host] He is showing offto everybody.

Local hero.

(laughs) (sirene) – [Host] Okay.

NO.

Youget back in that car.

All right.

Your car now.

Bye.

(audience laughs) – Its a drop top.

Why do you try gettingout through the door? (laughs) He is like, “let me open door.

” just climb out.

– This cop made a crucialmistake here of being pissed and wanting to pin him in, just pinned himself in.

He just had to seat in the front seat and watch this slow ass running.

Basically just walk away.

(beep) (laughs) – [Host] You got me? Yeah I've got you.

Outta here.

Latter.

– That was dope.

They didn't even change thekey of who opened the door.

– They're just confused.

There are too many bikes, too many people.

– Too many white shirts— Too many white shirts.

What the hell men? – You know this gotta be tricky.

anyway I could go to jail.

Later.

(laughs) – He didn't have hand cuffs on? He was on the front seat? Was he driving? (laughs) – [Host] Well I will tell you what, enough is enough.

I am outta here.

Thanks everybody.

Where's the door, get me to the door.

– Oh my God! He just went for it.

– I just drooled.

(laughs) – He really doesn't want to be in jail.

(thud) – I love it.

He wasjust getting probation.

(laughs) When was the last time either of you had to get involved instopping a criminal? – Stopping a criminal?That's not my business.

– [Host] No? – No.

As long as theyare not like robbing me, Its not my business.

Ican't be a police officer.

– I'm pretty sure I saw these two teenage girls of forever 21 yesterday.

I could tell they were tryingto come up on something but i was like— You helped them? – Am like, “I'ma let them live.

” – But would you havelike taken and be like, “Hey this is a mistake.

You don't wanna make.

I stole this bra when I was your age.

” (laughs) – I gotta tell you its aboutmaking to a certain age when you feel like itsyour responsibility.

I don't we are there yet.

You are like, “Let me correct some kids.

” you still wanna be youngand cool and (beep) – You are like (beep) “I'vegot your back.

Go.

Go.

” – Okay.

Look Unlike you two, there's a group of people out there that any time they see any type of crime, they are gonna stop it.

We call them justice junkies.

Take a look.

(audience applaud) – [Host] Oh boy! Somebody please help me.

Oh no.

You aint goin no where.

And I love the wrestle.

– Wait who is this dudewho is trying to check out? (beep) (laughs) – [Host] Are those cigarettes? Okay.

Bye.

I'm in.

Night night.

(thud) and now he comes back in.

Okay yeah.

I'd like to.

.

.

(laughs) just doing a little cabin thievery.

Nobody saw a thing.

let me just rip off fro my scooter until I meet I don't know.

Bruce lee.

– He kicked that man witha cigarette in his mouth and never dropped it.

– [Lady] He is a super hero.

– [Sterling] He is still smoking.

– He is a bad ass.

(loughing) – [Host] Just a statue, right? Oh.

Damn! He's in shock.

– [lady] He thought hewas gonna stay a robbot when he rob him? – He is asking for help? – Am sorry.

I thought you were a statue and that money was free.

Truce.

No? okay.

Cool.

(laughs) Oh no.

You filthy criminals stampede.

Beat it you filthy criminals.

Not in my neighborhood will you have it.

Who's next, I'll shoot your guinea pig.

Get down up here.

– No man.

– I think when I am oldI can do some damage.

(laughs) – Well I mean once you are 90, (laughs) – [Host] What's up?Everybody is going down.

Wait a minute.

I don't know.

I am no vigilante.

Am no vigilante here.

I'llkeep this glasses down.

Okay.

Turn in.

Here it is.

There it is.

Okay I'm taking you to the back.

The meat guy has got to go.

– The meat guy jumped out of nowhere.

– [Host] Don't worry my hands are clean.

I've got a license plate.

Ask him his name Gerard.

(laughs) – Ask him his name? (laughs) – We've all done it.

Crime.

Tell us about your first one.

– I actually was a littlecrab when I was a kid.

I hate to admit it.

– Okay.

Now let me ask you this— She is not a thief.

– I respect it.

– Like one time, I dint know what wasgoing through my head.

I just remember like we hadthese little pencil boxes.

Like there was this different one with the cool stuff in it.

And I was the last one outof my third grade class I realized I had that moment.

It was like grab a couple of pencil boxes.

And the next day everyonewas like, “I'm missing this.

” I just remember I was like.

(laughs) – You started early? Everybody in this category, this is their first shotat getting extra illegal.

We call it “First crimers.

” (up beat music) – [Host] Okay.

Here's the sensor.

All right.

All I gotta do is get it out.

Here we go.

It was right there in there home town.

– He could have put it in her bag, then threw the bag over.

That would have been likea smarter way to do it.

(laughs) – [Host] What.

I don't have anything.

Except for.

I don't know.

Fine.

Fine.

Yes you areright I took an iron.

Fare enough, I took two.

I'm not perfect.

Okay.

Whatever.

Maybe I have three.

okay fine, I have four.

That's it honestly.

(laughs) – I was like, “yoh, shepulls out the ironing table, that would be really crazy.

” (laughs) – [Host] Its a stick up.

(laughs) did you drop a gun sir? (laughs) (glass shutters) Okay.

Fine.

– [Sterin] Was he trynna break in though? – [Host] Hey guys.

If you don't mind, I wouldlike to turn myself in.

I have been doing some criminal activity.

– Can you unlock the back? (laughs) – [Host] I'll tell you what, receive yourself a record.

Sir, we haven't seen you doing anything.

I am a criminal.

Take me to jail.

(laughs) Give it to me.

If you ain't shooting anybody, ain't giving you nothing.

– Every time he showed himthe gun, he never used it.

– [Host] Look.

You want to know what? Im'ma move one.

Crime is just not for me.

(audience applaud) Over the years I have foundthe more times I got arrested, the more confidence Ihad inside had cuffs.

Can either of you relate? – No.

In't never been arrested.

Ask her you can have the convo.

– I love hand cuffs.

(laughs) its really scary the first time.

I was like (beep) what isreally going down right now? But time five or six, you are just like, excuse me.

You are as good as you can be.

Anybody in this category is just like me.

They are filled with cuff confidence.

Take a look.

(bounce bass beats) (laughs) When you are planning a robbery, – Okay.

– What's the numberone thing you gotta do? – Call Jessy's mother.

No.

Am joking.

(laughs) Am joking.

You gotta get a mask.

– You gotta get a disguise.

A get away vehicle.

– That's right.

The most important things.

You actually have thoget away with the crime.

I mean you can't just goin there with your gloves and your mask and your weapon and get to robbing.

And got no escape plan.

Okay.

That is everybody in this category.

“No get away plan.

” Take a look.

(audience applaud) – Please help me.

[Camera man] Hold on, I'mgoing to need to film this.

– Come on please help me.

– [Camera man] How long has he been here? Twenty minutes.

(laughs) – [Camera man] Will let you down.

When you explain why (beep)you are stuck in the fence.

– I don't know.

– If I reckon, I justwanted to test my strength.

– The police was trying to help her.

She was like you can leaveout through the door.

I'm letting you guys go.

(up beat music) – What the fuck just happened? – Man, you know that she comesin here talks all casual, and gets slippery with her fingers.

And starts pulling out dollar bills.

And she said no to thedisclaimer in the mouse trap.

Lets see if you nan talkyourself out of this.

(laughs) – Thing's been going really good.

(upbeat music) – What do you have here? – He didn't stealanything.

He didn't get in.

(laughs) he has been there for about ten hours.

– I want him to go to jail.

He didn't steal anything.

He is just trapped on the door.

He is just a really really bad criminal.

.

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